It’s been a while since things have been consistently bad for me.
I know. This is a terrible thing to complain about.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way, shape, or form asking or wishing for bad things to happen to me right now.
Quite frankly, I’m only recently noticing that things in my life have been shockingly, consistently good for quite some time lately.
And I’m very fortunate for that.
You see, the reason why this is so bizarre to me is because a few years ago, I’d say that I hit my first version of “rock bottom”. And it lasted for much longer than I had anticipated.
A lot of things in my life were just not going well across the board — My home life, my love life, my social life, my job.
My self-esteem was at an all-time low, I felt lost, and in all honesty, I was going through a serious phase of depression.
I wasn’t myself — I wasn’t happy. I was making poor life decisions, my financial situation was a mess, and I had no idea how to get out of the hole that I was in. I also had no idea how I got there in the first place.
And for quite some time, I just accepted contentment in being miserable.
But, after a while, it really wore on me and I just got so fed up with being in that hole.
So, I crawled my way out.
“The only way out is through” — Robert Frost
In summary, what happened to me in the span of two to three years was this…
I was going through a horrible break-up.
I was struggling to pay my bills.
I was let go from a job that I had only been at for two months.
I, then, was working a freelance job that was adamant about not hiring me.
After this period of time in my life, it took a little while get back for me to feel like myself again because the thing is, when a person’s confidence is completely shattered, it’s really hard to try new things or going back to doing the things you love.
A fear builds inside of you — A fear of rejection, disappointment, failure. I just didn’t want to feel that way again.
The combination of all of these things essentially shouted to me, “You’re a loser!”
And, I believed it.
But I didn’t want to believe it anymore.
This is where the change happened.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bucad was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” ― Anaïs Nin
I cut all ties with my ex-boyfriend.
I started monitoring and tracking my expenses.
I started making smarter life decisions.
I found a better job.
I started writing again.
I started running again.
I did all of the things that made me me again. I got back on the horse.
And from there, things began to take a turn for the better and I came back stronger than before.
Looking back in hindsight, I’m truly grateful for these experiences and the lessons learned.
It seems as if it was so much easier when I reminisce about it, but deep down I know how hard it was to get through that phase of my life.
Without these experiences, I would have never known how to overcome failure and rejection on my own — And in life, failure and rejection happens.
I just wasn’t prepared for it yet.
Of course, no one is ever truly prepared for unfortunate things to happen. We tackle situations as they come and we’ll never know how we might react until it happens in real-time.
We just have to come to realize that unfortunate things inevitably happen and we have to roll with the punches when they do.
Life is a series of highs and lows.
So right now, I guess I’m at a high, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Hopefully, when I get back down to my lows, I’ll be a little more familiar with how to get through it.