What You Should Really Be Looking for in a Lasting Relationship
You have to know that despite everything, you have a true friend — not just a companion or a lover
Prior to the pandemic, I rarely indulged in reality television. However, I’ve picked up on some pretty bad reality television shows in the past year and among those is The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I never previously watched nor cared to watch a single episode of either show — seeing the previews alone made me cringe.
I just couldn’t imagine being on a show where I was simultaneously dating and competing against dozens of people, all whom live under the same roof as me, for the “love” of one person. It just seems downright nightmarish and stressful.
Of course, now here I am with my jaw dropping episode after episode saying , “Oh my god, how could he pick her!?”
For those who actually watch reality shows like these, we know on some level that the plots are often meticulously constructed and the drama is blown wildly out of proportion for the sake of entertainment. But, doesn’t it seem like dating in real life can seem like a reality show sometimes too? Crazy plots, endless drama, and having to compete with dozens (if not more) other people.
Well, in all honesty, I couldn’t tell you what it’s like to date or be single in present day — I’m married and have been off the market for years. However, I have been single for long periods of time and have had my fair share of dreadful dating experiences.
So, instead of boring you with said dreadful dating experiences, instead I’ll tell you the most important thing I’ve discovered as a result of my dreadful dating experiences.
Despite the horror and dread that can often come with dating, I’ll tell you what you should really be looking for if you’re looking for a lasting relationship.
You should be looking for your best friend
Friendship is the strongest kind of love that anyone can ask for. Liking someone for superficial traits such as the way they look or the way they dress or liking them for their hobbies or the fact that they have a good job can only take you so far in the relationship. Real, lasting relationships are built on a strong foundation of friendship and trust. You have to know that despite everything, you have a true friend — not just a companion or a lover.
Friends can talk to each other about anything
Close your eyes and take a minute to think about your best friends — the ones whom you can waste hours talking with on the phone or hanging out with until the sun comes up. Your friends, your best friends, are the ones that you can never really run out of things to talk about with. You can easily tell them anything, anytime, anywhere and just know that they’ll be there to listen to you. That’s a quality that you should have in a romantic partner as well — someone who will not only talk, but also listen whenever you need them to.
Friends will always show up for you
Your friends will always have your back no matter what. They’ll always be there for you and they’ll always show up for you whenever you need them. And needless to say, your partner should be able to do the same thing — not just because they’re your partner, but because they’re your friend too. Your partner should support and be there for you the same way that your friends would because that’s what friends are for.
Friends don’t care about what other people think of you
Your friends are your friends because they like you for exactly who you are. They accept you fully and they don’t judge you even if you’re doing something stupid or crazy — well, they might judge a little, but they won’t love you any less. They accept you and your flaws because they understand you to your very core. Your partner should be the same way. Your partner shouldn’t care about what other people think of you and they shouldn’t try to change you. They love you as you are.
Right now, you might be asking to yourself, “Okay, so why don’t I just date one of my friends?” Well, that’s not exactly what I’m insinuating, but you’re on the right track.
I’m not saying that you should force a relationship out of a random friendship. It should come naturally, just the way any friendship begins.
I personally couldn’t tell you exactly how or why I became friends with the people that I’m friends with — it sort of just happened. It just clicked. And that’s how a relationship begins as well. It just clicks. I’m fortunate enough to have married my best friend and I know that’s not always the case for everyone. Some people marry someone they don’t even necessarily like.
But, if you’re looking for a real, lasting relationship, just know that you should be looking for a friend first. Because at the end of the day, your friends are the ones who will always pull through for you. And so should your partner.