The Biggest Thing that Scares Me About Becoming a Mom
The fear of losing myself in becoming a Mom
I’m not a Mom yet and frankly, I’m nowhere near becoming a Mom. But, I do eventually want to become a Mom and I truly look forward to that day whenever it comes. When it does, I just hope that I’m ready for it — or at least, as ready as I can be.
The reason why I’m even bringing this up is because I recently got married about two months ago now, so this topic is one that’s been coming up a little more frequently. And as more of my friends, family, and others around me are becoming new parents, it’s almost inevitable that this thought wouldn’t cross my mind regarding when my husband and I would finally decide to take that next step.
In my circle of friends, I’m on the tail end of the marriage train — which I don’t mind at all. I personally think that it’s been beneficial to be the one who gets to sit back, watch, and learn. And now, as my married friends are in that next phase of having children, I’m able to sit back once again, watch, and learn as they figure out Motherhood.
Ever since some of my closest friends have had children, it’s been extremely rewarding and also eye-opening to watch them take on this new role. I’ve been able to witness firsthand a lot of the big moments, the milestones and the struggles they’ve had throughout their journeys and in those times, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like for me when the time came.
Now that the conversation about having children has become less of a fantasy and more of a realistic goal, I think about all the ways that things could change in our lives, as they have for many of my friends. I think about the joys and the challenges of Motherhood, but I mostly think about my own fears. And I’m not sure if these fears are natural or if they manifested purely because I’ve seen Motherhood up close and personal. Regardless, out of all of my fears, there is one that I’ve been exceptionally nervous about.
The fear of losing myself in becoming a Mom.
In seeing my friends become Mothers, I’ve also seen the shift in priorities in their lives. I’ve seen how their children have become their entire worlds (as they rightfully should) — I honestly can’t even begin to fathom how much love pours out once a Mothers see their children for the first time. And I deeply look forward to that moment myself. But, the thing that I fear the most is the fear of losing myself in becoming a Mom.
As selfish as it may sound, I fear that everything I’ve done, everything I’ve become, everything I’ve worked so hard for, and all the things that I love to do will have to be put on hold when I become a Mom. I fear that all of my energy will fixate on Motherhood and I’ll lose sight of who I was before becoming a Mom. And that scares me because I’ve seen it happen up close.
But, I know that things will inevitably change in many ways. I know that sacrifices will have to be made. I also know that it will all be worth it when it happens. I just don’t want to lose myself in the process.
I guess the reason why I’m so afraid is because it’s taken me a while to finally be happy with where I am and who I am in life. I’ve worked so hard to get this point and I’m afraid that I won’t have enough time to cherish it.
I also know that because I’ve worked so hard for myself, I’ll work just as hard, if not a hundred times harder, for my child once I become a Mom. I know that my wants and my needs will likely have to take a backseat and I’ll have to find a way to balance it all. I guess that’s something I’ll just have to figure out once the time comes. And that’s the beauty of life — figuring it all out as we go along.
