Stop Looking For A Boyfriend, Look For A Best Friend Instead
Many of us think that finding the right person is a lot like love at first sight, that we’ll just go on a first date and immediately know that they are the one the minute that we meet them.
We often think that there has to be fireworks or anything resembling some sort of spark that will trigger a sixth sense in knowing that we just found the man or woman of our dreams.
But what people often forget is that a strong, genuine, lasting relationship doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time. And for many of us, time is something that we are not always willing to give freely.
As we get older, our priorities change. We get caught up with work and the busyness of our lives. We squeeze in dating whenever we can and oftentimes, it almost becomes like a routine or robotic process where the lines are already ingrained our heads.
“Where do you live”
“What do you do for work?”
“What do you do for fun?”
We have these questions already gathered to the point where we rehearse this act over and over again after continuously meeting person after person.
And if we don’t feel that spark right away, we simply move on. If they give us an answer we don’t like, we write them off. And just like that, we’re onto the next candidate.
The reason why many of us hate the idea of dating so much is that we view it like it’s some kind of job interview or as if we are apartment hunting. If we haven’t found the perfect match, then we’re not convinced. We’ll continue the search.
But the problem is that we need to stop looking for a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and look for a friend instead. Again, relationships take time to develop and grow. It’s not just a one, two, or three-date checklist that needs to meet “all the above” before we move onto the next round.
It’s getting to know someone before you want to get into the bedroom. It’s understanding who they truly are instead of what they do for a living. It’s cherishing moments together, making each other laugh, and having conversations where you are actually listening to each other.
It’s been theorized that if a friendship lasts longer than seven years, then it will last a lifetime. If you have friendships like these, where you been friends with someone for multiple stages of your life and are still able to see them after months or years without feeling any different, then you are surely capable of finding a lifelong partner.
If you are currently on the hunt for a relationship, stop now. Find a friend first and see where that takes you.
In a way, we do love our friends. Though it’s not necessarily a romantic love, it still holds truth in the fact that we’d go the distance for them. And this is exactly how a romantic relationship should work as well.
Once you start seeing it that way, then someone will eventually come along. You’ll be blindsided because you didn’t see it coming. You weren’t searching for it, it just happened. Because at the core of any relationship or marriage, two people are not only lovers, but friends first.
Originally published at thoughtcatalog.com on March 16, 2018.