Oversharing at Work — Helpful or Hurtful?
When it comes to sharing information about ourselves at work, should we leave our personal lives out of it?
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I’ve always considered myself to be an extroverted person. In school — and even in present day within larger group settings — I was typically one of the first brave souls who would always raise my hand at the end of a lecture once the person speaking asks the audience, “Does anyone have any questions?”
I figured if I had a question or feedback to share, there’s likely someone else out there who is thinking the same exact thing, but is too shy to ask. I, on the other hand, was never shy about asking questions or sharing my thoughts and opinions. And when it came to sharing personal information about myself, I never had much hesitation in giving people my full backstory. In fact, I take pride in being an open book.
Being the tried and true Sagittarius that I am, I’m a pretty straight shooter and can be very blunt when it comes to speaking my mind. However, the tricky part about this specific personality trait of mine is navigating where and when I should eventually draw the line, particularly when it comes to the workplace.
Having started my career in corporate America over a decade ago, I’ve picked up on many workplace norms and unwritten rules that were heavily adopted by those with a long-standing tenure in such work environments. And as a young and ambitious go-getter who was eager to do well in the workforce, I quickly adopted these unwritten rules.
Professional work etiquette was a law that I came to live by. I made sure to separate work life from personal life and always follow the unwritten rules — always be on time, don’t be the first to leave work early, dress the part, do everything I’m told, don’t question leadership, etc. among the many other things that weren’t blatantly listed in my job description. Then, if I did these things consistently and did them well, I would ultimately succeed.
So, that’s what I did.
However, as I spent more time in corporate America and as workplace culture began to evolve, some of these unwritten rules slowly began to fade away. This is largely due to the increase in new companies within growing industries, such as the rise of startup tech. A company’s reputation for their workplace culture soon became integral towards the type of talent they attracted, which made many companies rebrand the way they were being perceived towards the public.
I personally want to attribute many of the positive culture changes to COVID-19 and the after effects that followed the pandemic, however, I’d like to think that some changes were already in motion prior to the arrival of COVID-19 — the pandemic just happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Some of these small changes include an emphasis on employee mental health, flexibility of hybrid or remote work, the formation of ERGs companies, and additional benefits outside of the standard medical, vision, and dental. A larger focus on work-life balance and a greater investment towards employee satisfaction began to shape the evolving work culture that many companies now adopt in order to invest in their people and see them as more than just a number on their payroll.
To me, this was a profound breakthrough in an area that I didn’t think would change as much as it did in recent years. And being the extroverted, blunt, open book of a person that I am, I found this to be a very positive and encouraging in regards to showing up as our authentic selves at work . However, I quickly learned that this wasn’t always the case.
Despite the fact that many companies claimed to be a safe space for people to take advantage of work-life balance and show up as their authentic selves, not everyone within a workplace may necessarily share this same sentiment. Some people still operated under the same corporate mindset that I was very familiar with. Additionally, not every company that makes such claims necessarily sticks to their script per se.
I’ve personally learned this lesson the hard way as I pivoted towards using my own intuition to tell whether a company or person within a company genuinely cares to know me as a person and if certain information I choose to disclose will or will not be used against me.
In my experience, if you want to err on the side of caution, then it’s best to maintain a safe boundary between work life and your personal life, although there are certain instances where it’s okay to open up about your personal life and be transparent about what’s going on behind the curtains. Here are some examples of those instances.
When sharing personal information hurts
The worst thing that can happen is that the person you’re sharing your personal information with may use that information against you or to get ahead. If you think either scenario is possible, then you should pause to ask yourself how much you instinctively trust that person in the first place.
Are they someone who seems to be an office gossip? Would you trust them with a secret? Do they typically share information about others with you? If so, then who’s to say they wouldn’t share information about you with someone else?
If you suspect any sense of judgement or malicious intent, then it’s probably safer to keep sensitive information to yourself and keep things strictly professional. After all, you don’t want to put your job or reputation at stake, especially if you don’t plan on leaving the company anytime soon.
When sharing personal information helps
The truth is, people are still people at the end of the day regardless of whether or not they’re at the workplace. No matter how professional or closed off someone tends to be at work, I would like to think that they still hold some sense of humanity if and when the time calls for it.
For example, if you’re going through a difficult time in light of a traumatic life event that’s impacting your mental state at work, then you should at least provide your manager or HR with some insight towards the situation — even if it’s minimal — so that they know what’s going on in case it ends up impacting your productivity or capabilities at work.
We’re all human and we all have lives outside of our jobs, so it’s impossible to completely shut our brains off to the things that might distract us while we’re at work. Human connection is a necessity and sharing certain aspects about our lives with others can help build strong relationships both at work and outside of work.
How to know where to draw the line
The general rule of thumb is to get an overall feel for the company culture, the colleagues and teams you’re interacting with, and your level of comfort towards your peers. If it seems like other people are generally open about their lives and are comfortable being themselves at work, then you should be too.
If your manager makes a conscious effort to make you feel comfortable talking about your personal life outside of work, then the invitation is on the table. It’s just up to you to decide how much you want to disclose. You know yourself better than anyone else and it’s for you to determine how much you want others to know about you outside of work.
At the end of the day, we’re at work to do our job and what we get out of it from a social aspect is entirely up to us. Our workplace can certainly be a great place to learn from our peers, network with others, find great mentors, and create lasting friendships, but it all depends on the environment and the people that are in it to help foster that type of growth. If the environment and the people do offer that level of openness and support, then it’s completely up to us to lean into it or not.
