I’m Tired of Being Tired

A few months ago, I was jobless after being laid off from a company that I had only been working at for less than half a year.

To give some background and for full transparency, I had already known about the layoff back in January.

But, before that even happened, I had actually already known that the company was in muddy waters back when I was still interviewing for the job. The company was in the midst of being sold to another company and when I got hired, it wasn’t guaranteed that I’d make the cut.

I knew it was a risk and I knew there was no certainty that the position that I was interviewing for would be in a safe place when it came down to it.

But, I took the risk anyways and accepted the consequences with open arms.

Little did I know, it would be the most eye-opening moment of my life.

I was officially relieved from my job in March and I had absolutely no game plan, no backup plan, no next move — And I didn’t really mind it. I wasn’t all that worried.

In fact, I actually kind of loved it.

To me, it didn’t seem like the worst situation to be in. I embraced the time that I was given to essentially do whatever the hell I wanted.

I didn’t have to e-mail clients, pull reports, or be stressed out about work. I didn’t have to be anywhere.

I was free.

However, it wasn’t too long until I finally got a new job and was right back on the daily grind.

Getting back into the swing of things was tough though — It was a huge mental shift and I had basically re-train myself to be in an office again.

I soon realized that I actually missed not working.

I felt like I had accomplished more when I had the time for myself to do the things that I wanted to do. I was able to enjoy my life and was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.

Now, that I’m back to a “normal” schedule, I’m back to being overwhelmed and exhausted.

I’m tired of being tired.

Understandably though, I’m aware that I still need to make a living. I’m aware that I need to pay my bills. I need to be a grown up.

I’m just tired of not having the time to do the things I want to do.

I don’t understand why we complain so often about working too much when we willingly choose to work more than we’re required. We thrive off of the stress. We love to be busy with our work.

But, is it work that we love? Is it work that is meaningful to us?

If not, then why are we stressing ourselves out to the point of fatigue for things that we don’t enjoy doing?

Why am I stressing myself out?

All I know is that a lot of us do things that we don’t necessarily want to do. And we’re tired because of it.

Well, I don’t want to be tired anymore.